Autolycus: The Series: "Shanghai Reprise"
by OmarSnake
Summary: A story of Autolycus's younger days.


LINER NOTE: This series follows the adventures of Autolycus, the King of Thieves, and Muran, a young Chinese bandit who he has reluctantly taken under his wing, as they travel the ancient world looking for treasures to steal and trouble to get into….  
  
  
  
TEASER  
  
FADE IN  
  
Autolycus and Muran walk along the piers of a fishing community, their horse Haley trotting slowly behind them. They are making their way through a market.  
  
"I love the ocean," Muran says. "The sights, the sound, the smell..."  
  
Autolycus eyes a vendor's booth full of dead fish. "Yeah, can't beat the smell," he says sarcastically.  
  
"You know, my first memory is of being on a boat voyage," Muran continues. "I was probably only three years old." She closes her eyes, continuing wistfully. "I was with my mother, and my aunt... I think her name was Matsu... and we travelled for what seemed like forever on the ocean. I remember not being able to get used to dry land for awhile after that..."  
  
"I took a long boat ride myself, once," Autolycus mutters as they walk into a tavern. "Didn't care for it much."  
  
FLASHBACK TO:  
  
20 years ago.  
  
A teenaged boy runs across the rooftops of a fishing village, leaping across them without pausing to look. He has a jewel-lined box about the size of a shoebox in his arms. The boy is 16 years old and handsome, with unkempt black hair and a devil-may-care grin. He wears black pants, knee- high boots, and a loose-fitting blue shirt unbuttoned halfway-down. Behind him, several sword-wielding guards run, yelling "Come back, thief!!!"  
  
The boy looks behind him and watches as one guard stumbles and falls onto a tent below.  
  
"You'll have to do better than that to catch the Prince of Thieves!" he calls out gleefully, then bounds across another building... but there is no other buildings to leap to from here, and the guards are coming the direction he just came. "Uh-oh," he mutters. He looks around quickly, leaning over the edge of the building to look down the three stories to the street below. He drops the box down to a pile of trash against the building and swings over the edge, diving through a window on the top floor of the building.  
  
In the room is an attractive woman in her mid-20s, combing her golden hair. She is mostly unclad and looks up in shock.  
  
"Pardon me, ma'am," the boy says, winking before he runs out the door.  
  
Behind him, a guard lands hard on the ledge and struggles to climb up so he can get through the window.  
  
The woman looks displeased and glances the direction to boy ran, grinning a bit.  
  
The boy runs down a flight of stairs, then another, leaping over an old woman. "Pardon me!"  
  
He scrambles out the door of the building and runs around to where the pile of trash is.  
  
The box isn't there.  
  
He panics and starts tossing trash aside. "I can't believe this!" he says. "Looking for this?" says a voice behind him.  
  
The boy turns to see a grizzled, red-haired man with a thick beard. The man is heavy-set but not fat, and has a hooked nose. He wears a fancy-looking red coat that is in much nicer shape than the rest of the rags he wears. In his hand is the box. Behind the man are three towering brutes.  
  
"Um.. yes, as a matter of fact. But if you want to keep it, that's fine, I'd understand comple---"  
  
"What's yer name, boy?"  
  
"Autolycus, sir."  
  
"You the thief who stole this from Princess Dakastta about an hour ago? The whole town's looking for you."  
  
"Well, I may look like that thief, but we handsome types are a dinar a doze- --"  
  
"I could use a resourceful thief like you on my crew," The man interrupts. "I'm Draccar, the Pirate King."  
  
"Pleased do meet you," Autolycus says as he notices the three thugs start to move around him. "But... I'm not much of a sailor..." Something hits him hard in the back of the head and the world goes black.  
  
FADE OUT  
  
OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE.  
  
  
  
ACT ONE  
  
TITLE CARD: "SHANGHAI REPRISE"  
  
SPECIAL GUEST STAR: Tom Baker as Draccar  
  
SPECIAL GUEST STAR: Rupert Everett as Madriaga (modern day)  
  
FADE IN  
  
Autolycus and Muran sitting at a table, waiting for their food.  
  
"It's something called a press gang," Autolycus explains. "Pirates will find people that look like good laborers, knock 'em out, and drag 'em on their ships. By the time the poor saps wake up, they're out at sea and don't have much choice but join the crew."  
  
"And you were one of those poor saps?" Muran asks.  
  
Autolycus grimaces. "Afraid so. But I escaped after four months, with the help of another of their 'volunteers'.."  
  
"Wait a minute," Muran says. "I thought you were from Scyros. What were you doing near the ocean in the first place?"  
  
Autolycus sits back in his chair, contemplating his cup of mead. "Long story...."  
  
FLASHBACK TO: 20 years ago...  
  
16-year old Autolycus riding on the front of a wagon in a gypsy-like caravan. Beside him is an exotic, strikingly attractive if not conventionally beautiful woman with aquiline features and disheveled, flowing dark brown hair, dressed in a low-cut blouse, wraparound dress and gypsy-like jewelry; she looks to be around 30. They rock back and forth in the seat as she teaches him how to handle the reigns.  
  
VOICEOVER of present-day Autolycus: "I've told you about how I robbed the bloated merchant who had my brother killed, and gave his money to the poor in the kingdom. After that, the law in Scyros was a bit too eager to catch me. It was just after my 16th birthday, and I had nothing else there with my entire family gone. So I decided to go out and see the world. I hitched a ride with some nomads, and travelled with them for a winter and a little of the spring."  
  
Young Autolycus finally has learned how to coax the horses with the reins, and is happy with his new-found skill.  
  
VOICEOVER: "They were good people. The woman who led them, Revekkah, took a special interest in me."  
  
The exotic woman smiles warmly, leans in and gently kisses him on the cheek. Young Autolycus turns, surprised, and she follows through with a kiss on the lips.  
  
VOICEOVER: "She taught me a lot..."  
  
CUT BACK TO the tavern. Autolycus is lost in wistful thought. "Was she a thief?" Muran asks.  
  
"Eh?" Autolycus says, suddenly snapping back to the present.  
  
"Revekkah. What did she teach you?"  
  
Autolycus gulps his mead, a bit embarrassed. "How to steer a carriage," he says quickly. "Anyhow, these nomads finally took me to the port city of Spyridon. Revekkah told me that my destiny was there, and they left. I never saw her... I mean, them again."  
  
FLASHBACK TO:  
  
Revekkah gently kissing Autolycus on the forehead and stroking her fingers through his hair as the caravan prepares to leave. She starts to climb up on the lead carriage, then turns and presses something into Autolycus's hand. He looks down and sees a small, jewel-encrusted dagger. He looks up to see the caravan pulling away and waves farewell to them.  
  
VOICEOVER: "I did pretty well for myself in Spyridon, I have to admit. It probably helped that the local law enforcers were corrupt and incompetent, but it was a good training ground. Even started calling myself the 'Prince of Thieves' and building a reputation..."  
  
MONTAGE OF scenes of young Autolycus commiting various thefts, ranging from pocket-picking to cat burglary and, finally, him sneaking through a window past a young sleeping woman and gently lifting the jewel-lined box we saw earlier.  
  
VOICEOVER: "But then I met Captain Draccar, and the good times were over."  
  
CUT BACK TO:  
  
16-year old Autolycus is awakened by a cold splash of water. He sits up sputtering. He is on the deck of a ship. In front of him stands Draccar, arms crossed. Beside him is a scraggy, bearded creep with a now-empty water bucket, and behind the two of them, a crowd of scuzzy pirates, each more gruesome than the last.  
  
"Wakey, wakey," Draccar laughs, and his men join him. "Now, you'll need someone to show you the ropes." He looks up to the sails. "Mad, get your lazy ass down here!"  
  
A young man, perhaps 18 or 19, looks down from the crow's nest. "Yes, sir!" he calls, sliding down a rope to the deck. He is lean but muscular, with dark brown hair long and parted in the middle, and a thin, not quite completely-grown mustache.  
  
"Mad, you're in charge of teaching Autocus here how to be a sailor." "Autolycus," Autolycus corrects him, garnering a hostile glare from Draccar.  
  
CUT TO: Mad is showing Autolycus how to pull the ropes on the sails. "Now, when the wind is coming from the east, you want to---"  
  
"Why do you stay here?" Autolycus interrupts.  
  
Mad looks at him quizically. "You think I want to? Not by a long shot. But I've seen too many people try to escape from Draccar and end up as shark- bait. Now help me pull these ropes, before someone notices we're not doing anything."  
  
Autolycus tugs on the ropes along with him. "What kind of name is Mad, anyhow?"  
  
"Short for my real name. Draccar has trouble with anything over two syllables."  
  
"And what would your full name be?"  
  
"Francisco Umberto Luis de Madriaga y Zorilla," Mad says with a flourish, "at your service."  
  
"That's quite a mouthful," Autolycus says. "Where are you from?"  
  
Mad shrugs. "Hard to explain. Trust me, the details would give you a headache."  
  
CUT TO:  
  
The present day. The plates of seafood are delivered to the table, and Muran digs in without hesitation.  
  
"If it hadn't been for Mad, I don't know if I would have survived," Autolycus says. "That was a tough time. After we finally escaped, I swore I'd never set foot on another boat. And by Zeus, I didn't for almost twenty years, until Xena coaxed me into helping her on a little quest." Muran nods, still stuffing her face with seafood.  
  
"Well, I can see you're fascinated, kid," Autolycus says, glancing around. "I need to hit the little thieves' house. Sit tight, and watch out for press gangs." he gets up and heads out the back door to find the privy. There is a line of three men already waiting. He gets in the line, and stands there impatiently.  
  
"Nice tavern, don'tcha think?" says the man who has come in the line behind him.  
  
"It's alright, but I think even the wine tastes like fish...." Autolycus turns around and stops in mid-sentence. Behind him is a grizzled, grey- haired man with a thick beard. He is heavy-set, somewhat fat, with a hooked nose and he wears a ratty-looking red coat. "Draccar?" Autolycus says in disbelief.  
  
"Miss me?" Draccar says with an evil grin, motioning behind Autolycus.  
  
Autolycus turns just in time to see a massive fist coming at him... and then the world goes black.  
  
FADE OUT  
  
ACT TWO  
  
FADE IN  
  
Autolycus sits up, rubbing his head. "Yeooww," he whines. "Where am I?" He looks around. He is in a wooden room... and the room is gently rocking to and fro. "Aw, no..."  
  
He gets up and looks around. He tries the door carefully and is about to try to pick the lock when he realizes it isn't locked in the first place. He steps through, onto the deck of the ship.  
  
Seagulls fly overhead. A gusty breeze blows. And land is distant on the horizon.  
  
"Well, look who finally woke up," Draccar says gleefully. Several of his men laugh boisterously.  
  
"You've GOT to be kidding," Autolycus grumbles.  
  
Draccar leans in and smiles menacingly. "No one escapes from me, boy."  
  
CUT TO:  
  
Muran wanders around the back of the tavern, looking for any sign of Autolycus. He is not there.  
  
"Psst, girlie," says a withered old vagrant sitting against a wall by the trash pile.  
  
She looks at him warily.  
  
"Looking for a tall guy? Green shirt, black pants, mustache?"  
  
"Yes..." she says cautiously, still not trusting the ratty-looking vagrant. "I saw what happened to him. Cost ya a dinar."  
  
She digs into the pockets of her coat and tosses him a dinar.  
  
He looks at it. "That was too easy. Shoulda asked for two..."  
  
"Where is he?" She demands.  
  
"Latest victim of Draccar."  
  
Muran is shocked. "The Pirate King?"  
  
The old man laughs. "That's what he calls himself. But he loses battles all the time, and keeps coming back to 'recruit' new crewmembers. Your friend is the latest one. Funny thing, Draccar targeted him and ignored a couple of young, strapping bucks who would've been perfect for a sailing crew."  
  
"I have to find him," Muran says, contemplating.  
  
"You'd best hurry. If Draccar gets into another battle with Captain Madriaga, your friend might get himself killed."  
  
Muran spins around. "Captain WHO?"  
  
CUT TO:  
  
A sailing ship, taking on supplies. Muran runs along the docks and stops at this one. "The Bloody Bess," she says, trying to catch her breath as she reads the name on the side of the ship. Then she waves at the crew. "Hello! This is Captain Madriaga's ship, isn't it?"  
  
Several crewmembers look down at her. "Yes," one replies.  
  
"Can I meet him? Is he here?"  
  
One crewmember leans to another. "Think it's the daughter of some barmaid Madriaga 'met' once?"  
  
The second crewmember frowns. "Not likely. You haven't been onboard long enough to notice, the captain doesn't go for.. uh, barmaids."  
  
A third crewmember, ignoring the gossip of the other two, says "Who can I say is calling?"  
  
"A friend of Autolycus."  
  
The man disappears and a few seconds later, someone bursts out of the main cabin. He is ruggedly handsome, with dark brown hair parted in the middle, and he has a neatly-trimmed beard. A gold hoop hangs out of one ear, and he wears an open white shirt that emphasizes his dark tan. "I'm Madriaga. Who are you?" he asks, walking down the plank to the dock.  
  
"Muran," she says. "I'm Autolycus's traveling companion."  
  
"Where is that crafty son of a jackal?"  
  
"Kidnapped by Captain Draccar."  
  
Madriaga is taken aback. "Are you serious?"  
  
"Can you help me rescue him?"  
  
"Consider it done," Madriaga says, escorting her onto the ship.  
  
CUT TO:  
  
Autolycus soaked in sweat. He is shirtless, pulling with all his might against the ropes that connect to the sails. "Oh, come on, Draccar," he growls. "Why can't you find some healthy young soldiers, fresh from the wars? I'm too old for this..."  
  
Draccar sits on top of a barrel, absently waving the handle of a whip. "By Poseidon, did you bitch and moan this much the first time you were on my crew?"  
  
"Probably," Autolycus grumbles.  
  
Draccar cracks the whip. "Well, cut it out, or you'll get a taste of this."  
  
FLASH BACK TO:  
  
Young Autolycus convulses as the whip cracks against his back again. He grits his teeth, not wanting Draccar to see how much pain he is in. Behind him, Draccar rolls the whip back into a coil and puts it back on his belt. "Let that be a lesson to you," Draccar sneers. "Trying to steal.. from ME! What do you have to say for yourself?"  
  
"Well..." Autolycus says, trying to overcome the pain with his wit, "My birthday's in two days... mind if I take the day off?" he coughs.  
  
With a final disgusted snarl, Draccar storms off.  
  
Mad (whose formerly thin mustache has grown in almost completely) moves in swiftly, and starts untying Autolycus's arms, which were tied up between two posts.  
  
"You shouldn't have done that," Mad whispers, taking the exhausted Autolycus in his arms and gently helping him lay down on the deck of the ship. Autolycus's back is lined with red scars, and he is breathing hard from the pain.  
  
"Had to try," Autolycus says. He is not whispering, but his voice is so hoarse he might as well be. "You said we can escape if we can get to your tools. Fortunately, when Draccar caught me I made him think I was just after jewels."  
  
"I haven't been able to even see those tools in the two years I've been on this cursed ship," Mad says, brushing the sweaty hair out of Autolycus's eyes. "For all I know, that bastard's thrown them in the ocean."  
  
"Draccar's a scavenger," Autolycus says, coughing. "He wouldn't throw away anything he might get some use out of."  
  
Mad frowns. "If he learned how to use my tools, God help us all."  
  
"Which god?" Autolycus asks.  
  
Mad looks at him, then arches his eyebrows, realizing he has said something wrong. "Ah... Zeus, of course."  
  
Mad helps Autolycus to his feet and they make their way down the steps to below-decks.  
  
FADE OUT.  
  
ACT THREE  
  
FADE IN (Modern Times)  
  
The "Bloody Bess" cuts its way through the seas. Captain Madriaga stands at the front of the ship, scanning the horizon with a dented bronze telescope.  
  
"No sign of Draccar's ship so far," he says, lowering the telescope. "But it's a foggy day, so he may be out there somewhere..."  
  
What IS that thing?" Muran asks, pointing to the telescope. Madriaga looks down. "Ah. It's a telescope. An invention of mine. Here..." he steps behind her and shows Muran how to use it. "The lenses inside make distant objects more clear."  
  
"Cool!" Muran says, before regaining her composure. "But if it doesn't help us find Autolycus, it's useless."  
  
"Don't worry, child," Madriaga says. "We'll find him, safe and sound. If Autolycus is anything like I remember, he's a master of self-preservation."  
  
FLASH BACK TO:  
  
A full-fledged, knock-down drag-out bar-room brawl. Mad (who now sports a partially-grown beard in addition to his mustache) leaps from one table to the next, dodging sword-slashes from a large, enraged Oriental man. Most of the patrons in the bar, except for Draccar's crewmembers, are Asian. The man lunges forward, swinging a sword, and lands hard on the table, as Mad finds himself pulled out of harm's way.  
  
He looks up. Autolycus is hanging upside-down from a chandelier and has swung it to catch Mad. He helps him up and the two of them stand on the edges of the chandelier, watching the brawl below.  
  
"I should've known you'd find the one safe place in a fight," Mad says with a laugh.  
  
"Save the compliments for later," Autolycus says. "This is our big chance." Mad is skeptical. "What, to escape? In a land where we don't speak the language, and stand out like sore thumbs?"  
  
"Better than life with the good captain," Autolycus says. "Anyhow, I'd hate for all this effort to have gone to waste."  
  
Mad looks at him quizzically.  
  
"You don't think Turk was REALLY the one who pinched that warrior's wife, do you?" Autolycus asks, pointing to where a bald man with a goatee (who was one of the three towering brutes who abducted Autolycus in the first place) lies unconscious.  
  
Mad laughs.  
  
"Follow me," Autolycus says, and starts climbing up the chain that holds the chandelier in place. Once they are up on the chain, he starts it swinging so they can leap onto a balcony.  
  
They scramble out and down a back stairway, onto the streets of the city, then keep running.  
  
"We have to go back to the ship," Mad says when they stop to take a breath. "Are you kidding? And risk getting caught again?"  
  
"My tools..."  
  
"Always with the tools!" Autolycus mutters. "Why won't you tell me what's so special about them?"  
  
"Let's just say that if Draccar learns how to use one of them in particular, we've got trouble."  
  
CUT TO: Draccar's ship, the "Slashing Blade." Young Autolycus and Mad swim out to it and carefully climb up the anchor chain.  
  
"I have to admit, this is the last place they'll look for us," Autolycus whispers.  
  
"Let us hope so."  
  
They climb onto deck and scramble across to the captain's cabin. "But it will be locked," Mad says, "How can we get in?"  
  
"Trust me," Autolycus says, holding up a fork he stole from the bar. He bends some of the teeth back and uses it to pick the lock. He looks back and grins at Mad, who nods his head, impressed. They sneak in.  
  
Draccar's cabin is a veritable junkpile. Objects, some obviously of great value and some no more than worthless trash, lay piled on top of one another.  
  
"We're looking for a leather sack," Mad whispers.  
  
"Look like this?" says a voice. A lantern is lit, and Draccar stands there holding a leather sack. Beside him is a thug with a broadsword.  
  
"When you escaped, I knew you'd come back here, Mad," Draccar sneers. "You wouldn't leave without these things you had when we recruited you..." "You filthy swine!" Mad starts to move forward, but backs up as the thug points the broadsword his direction.  
  
Draccar reaches into the sack and rummages around. "Perhaps you will finally tell me what these objects are," he says. "I haven't been able to make head nor tails of them."  
  
"That's because your head is up---" Mad pauses, then goes silent, seeing that any agitation of Draccar will have deadly repercussions.  
  
Draccar pulls a bronze telescope out of the sack. "Now this, it doesn't hold anything inside and when I try to look through it---" he puts his eye up to the wrong end---"all it seems to do is make things seem small and blurry." He rummages in the sack some more. "And this---" He holds up a leather-bound book-- "seems to be some sort of tome, but I can't make out the words."  
  
"Illiterate dog," Mad whispers under his breath.  
  
"And I have NO idea what this is..." He pulls something partway out -- all Autolycus can see is about three inches of metal tube--- and drops it back in the sack. "While I can tell this is a crystal..." He holds up a green, palm-sized crystal. Mad's face goes pale. "But it doesn't seem to be made of any valuable form of gemstone." He drops it back in the sack and looks up at the duo. "Take them to the brig. We'll feed 'em to the sharks in the morning."  
  
CUT TO: Modern day.  
  
Onboard Draccar's current ship, "The Slashing Blade 3". Several men prepare a plank, while others throw pieces of rancid meat overboard. The thick morning fog is gradually burning off as the sun rises. Autolycus stands there in heavy chains.  
  
"Oh, come on, one little escape attempt and you execute me?" Autolycus says, half-taunting. "In the old days, you let me make a dozen attempts before you tried to push me overboard."  
  
Draccar turns to him. "You know, I really had hopes for you, boy."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Naw. I just wanted to bring you on board to finish this. You and that worm Madriaga were the source of all my problems." He stares accusingly at Autolycus. "Before YOU two came along, I was the most feared pirate on the seas. And then..."  
  
"People caught on to what an incompetent boob you really are?" Autolycus offers helpfully.  
  
Draccar sneers and slaps him hard across the face.  
  
A thug with a broadsword pushes Autolycus out onto the plank.  
  
"With those chains, we won't have a repeat of what happened LAST time," Draccar says smugly.  
  
Autolycus looks down at the shark fins circling below. "Now THIS looks familiar..."  
  
FLASH BACK TO:  
  
Early morning. Young Autolycus and Mad are tied up --- Autolycus with about three times as much rope --- and stand on the deck of the "Slashing Blade." Draccar paces, practically strutting. "Men," he says to his crew. "You see before you two immature, incompetent, insolent whelps! Mad has tried to escape many times, and the months Autocus has been on the ship he has been nothing but trouble. The solution?" He grins. "Feeding time."  
  
The men cheer. Two of them set up a plank, using a large barrel to hold it in place, while others throw pieces of spoiled raw meat over the edge of the ship. Below, shark fins appear, circling, leading to further applause. "So few of the men can read," Draccar says smugly to Mad and Autolycus, "They need SOME entertainment."  
  
"Which goes first?" Draccar calls out. The men yell the names of both Mad and 'Autocus'.  
  
"Decisions, decisions," Draccar mutters. "Ah, well... Last hired, first fired," he snarls, pushing Autolycus onto the plank.  
  
As several men poke at him with swords to make him move forward on the plank, Autolycus looks up and grins. "We've got company!"  
  
A ship approaches. It is manned by Asian soldiers, who seem angry and remarkably well-armed.  
  
"I told you not to sink that passenger ship yesterday," the scraggy bearded creep who is Draccar's main henchman says to Draccar as they stand at the railing staring at the ship.  
  
"Good point," Draccar says. "But you know what? I don't care how wrong they are, no one questions my decisions." He slaps the creep in the back, pushing him overboard and into the cluster of shark fins below.  
  
Autolycus looks down and sees the fins circling furiously and blood floating to the surface.  
  
"Prepare for battle!" Draccar yells, as the men scramble. He turns to Mad. "I'll give you one last chance to serve on this crew. But as for him..." Draccar turns and kicks the barrel on its side. The plank, with Autolycus on it, falls overboard...  
  
FADE OUT.  
  
ACT FOUR  
  
FADE IN (20 years ago)  
  
Mad tries to run to catch Autolycus, but his arms are still tied. Draccar glowers at him. "If you'll join the fight, I'll let you out of those ropes. Otherwise, you follow your little friend."  
  
CUT TO:  
  
Young Autolycus hits the water and immediately starts wiggling to get out of the ropes. Most of the sharks are still tearing apart the remnants of the bearded creep. One moves toward Autolycus. He swings out with his tied- together fists to try to stop it, wrestling around to avoid getting bit. It snaps its jaws towards him and cuts the rope on its teeth. As the rope floats aside, he stares in pleased disbelief for a split-second before he bobs up above the surface of the water, gasping for air. He grabs the plank floating in the water. The shark comes toward him and gets a mouthful of wood.  
  
As it struggles, Autolycus climbs up onto the remaining piece of plank floating in the water, tries to balance as it wobbles, and jumps, grabbing hold of the base of the anchor five feet above him. He hangs there, looking back as the other sharks, finished with their meal, come in his direction.  
  
Autolycus quickly climbs up the chain and peers carefully over the deck of the ship before climbing over the railing and collapsing in an exhausted heap.  
  
CUT TO: (MODERN DAY)  
  
Autolycus stands on the plank, looking down.  
  
"What are ya waitin for?" Draccar yells. "Jump!"  
  
"Water looks kinda cold," Autolycus says. "Besides, I just ate ten minutes ago, and my grandmother always told me---"  
  
"JUMP!!!" Draccar bellows.  
  
Autolycus turns back and grins. "Hey, Draccar, looks like you've got company."  
  
Draccar looks up, red with rage, and suddenly his face goes flush. A ship emerges from the fog. It is the "Bloody Bess."  
  
"Madriaga, you filthy bilge-rat!" Draccar yells.  
  
Autolycus smiles broadly. "Mad? Good timing, old friend..."  
  
CUT TO: (20 YEARS AGO)  
  
Draccar's men race to prepare as the two ships get close. The Asian warriors fire a volley of arrows, striking several men. Everyone dives for safety; Mad dives behind a barrel and finds himself face-to-face with the still-tired Autolycus.  
  
"You're alive!" Mad cries out and hugs him.  
  
"It'll take more than a few little fish to kill me," Autolycus says with a weak grin. "How important is that sack of yours?"  
  
"More important than you can imagine," Mad replies.  
  
"Then I guess we have to get it before we try to jump ship."  
  
"What makes you think those warriors over there won't cut us to ribbons?"  
  
"Oh, I don't know," Autolycus says sarcastically. "We COULD just stay here and walk the plank, assuming they don't burn the ship and kill us all. I say prisoner of war is a better option."  
  
Autolycus runs low, avoiding the continuing shower of arrows, as he works his way to the captain's cabin. Mad follows. The cabin door is locked.  
  
"Damn. You don't happen to have a needle or anything?" Autolycus asks.  
  
Mad shakes his head no, then scrambles over to a dead pirate and works the hoop earring out of his ear. "Can you work with this?"  
  
Autolycus regards it with distaste, then shrugs and bends it, working it into the lock and listening carefully.  
  
Behind them, the Asian warriors board the ship, slashing away. They are hearty, well-trained soldiers, and Draccar's malnourished crew pose little of an obstacle.  
  
Autolycus opens the door, and Mad races in and grabs the leather bag.  
  
"Okay, let's surrender to them before they kill us," Autolycus says. They run outside, and are face-to-face with Draccar.  
  
"You," he says, voice dripping with pure hatred.  
  
Mad takes the telescope out of the bag. "I never did tell you what this thing is," he says. Draccar looks at him, and Mad whacks him in the face with the telescope.  
  
Draccar has fallen to the floor, and they leap over him. Draccar reaches up in time to grab Mad's leg, and Mad falls on his face. The contents of the bag spill out on the deck of the ship: the book, the green crystal, and what appears to be a blunderbuss.  
  
Autolycus grabs the blunderbuss and uses it to club Draccar in the head. Mad dives for the green crystal, but one of Draccar's henchmen grabs it before he can reach it. Mad gulps, and then a volley of arrows strike the henchman in the chest.  
  
The henchman staggers back and falls over the railing, crystal still in hand.  
  
"Madre de Dios, NOOOOO!!!" Mad yells as he races to the side of the ship.  
  
The sharks are already feasting on the henchman below. Mad buries his head in his hands.  
  
Behind them, a commanding if stilted voice calls out "You must surrender now. Or you must die."  
  
They turn and see a mob of Asian warriors. Most of Draccar's men lie dead on the deck of the ship, but a few are already prisoners.  
  
Autolycus and Mad raise their hands. Some of the warriors take them and lead them back to the ship, while others lift Draccar's unconscious body and carry him.  
  
CUT TO: (MODERN DAY)  
  
Draccar yells "You'll DIE before they can save you!" And flings his sword at Autolycus.  
  
Autolycus dodges, and it falls into the water below. Then Autolycus leaps up, using the plank as a diving board, and jumps high, springing backwards back onto the deck of Draccar's ship. Draccar races toward him and Autolycus head-butts him.  
  
Meanwhile, Madriaga's men swing onto the ship and engage in fierce swordfighting with Draccar's men. As it did 20 years before, the difference between a well-trained, well-fed crew and a bunch of malnourished rogues quickly becomes obvious.  
  
Muran races past them and tries to get the chains off Autolycus. Draccar gets back to his feet and pulls a nasty-looking dagger out of his boot. As he starts to move toward Muran, a thunderous boom echoes. Everyone stops and turns, shocked. Draccar falls to his knees, then flat on his face, a deep red stain across his back.  
  
Madriaga stands there, blunderbuss smoking. "THAT is how you use this," he says to Autolycus. "NOT like a club."  
  
"I'll remember that next time," Autolycus says.  
  
CUT TO:  
  
"So, I take it you weren't forgotten in your home kingdom the way you'd hoped?" Captain Madriaga asks. "Your little friend here told me you're known as the 'King of Thieves' now." He, Muran and Autolycus sit around a table in the cabin of Madriaga's ship, enjoying a meal.  
  
"Funny thing," Autolycus says. "In my absence, the lawgivers assumed I was responsible for every theft they couldn't solve. I developed quite a reputation, and when I got back I found it was easier to live up to that than to try and go straight. More fun, too."  
  
"She's a hungry one, eh?" Madriaga says, grinning as he watches Muran dig into a pile of crab legs.  
  
"I hadn't noticed," Autolycus says wryly. "Nice invention, that--what did you call it, bumberblast?"  
  
"Blunderbuss."  
  
"Whatever. You should market it."  
  
"I think I'll keep it unique for now," Madriaga says with a grin. "Gives me an edge."  
  
"You have any more of these things?" Muran asks, holding up the last of the crab legs.  
  
"Certainly," Madriaga says, standing.  
  
The camera pulls back to where the blunderbuss, the telescope and the book --- marked "Holy Bible"-- sit. We then continue to pan back through a window until we are outside the ship, which rocks calmly on the moonlit ocean.  
  
CUT TO: (20 Years Ago)  
  
An imposing Asian man sits behind a desk. Mad and young Autolycus stand in front of it.  
  
"You say this is yours?" the man says, holding up the small jewel-encrusted dagger.  
  
"Yes, sir," Autolycus says. "A gift from someone very special to me." He takes it and carefully wraps it in cloth, then slides it into his vest pocket.  
  
"And these are yours?" the man says, presenting the contents of the sack to Mad.  
  
"Yes," Mad says quietly, taking them. "Without the crystal, they're all I have."  
  
"Very well. You were obviously captives of this dog Draccar. He will rot in our prisons, but you are free to go. And here..." he hands them some coins..."a portion of Draccar's treasure, so you can pay your way back to the western lands. You will find merchants who can take you there down at our docks."  
  
They walk out onto the street of the Asian port city.  
  
"So," Mad says, "What do you plan to do once we get back to the west?"  
  
"Head back to Scyros, I think," Autolycus says. "By now, they've probably forgotten all about me. And I want to get as far away from the sea as I possibly can."  
  
"I don't know," Mad says. "Draccar was a horrible captain, but under the right leadership one of those vessels could do very well for itself. Besides, I can never return home, so I may as well make the best of my 'education' under Draccar."  
  
The two walk down the streets, heading toward the docks as we...  
  
FADE OUT.  
  
END CREDITS ROLL.  
  
No scurvy pirates or hungry sharks were harmed during the making of this episode. 


End file.
